The title (well, part of it…) is one of them witty quotes floating around. You’ve probably seen it on some random post, meant to make us think, then giggle and then continue doom-scrolling.

It feels like the older I get, the more complicated my thoughts on previous “good times” become. I remember for many years being that person who would talk about loving high school. Don’t get me wrong, I had some fucking good times in high school – friends, parties, ditching school – it all paints this brilliant, nostalgia fueled, tapestry.

Realistically though, there were some really fucking shit times too. Fights, bullying, exclusion, uncertainty. I’ve spoken about all that before – it’s… it’s whatever. It’s not this.

It’s just, those memories, the ones that used to fill me with happiness, no longer seem so great. I no longer get those pangs of “ahh, the good ole days” when I think back.

Memories that used to be my happy place, like, the night that me and my high school best friends sat up behind Findon Rd and had deep conversations and ate ice cream – while still a nice memory – just echoes with reality now. Forgotten friendships and days gone by. Nice, warm, but no longer great. Like, they’re not as shiny as they used to be.

And then I feel guilty about not caring enough (when in reality I probably cared too much for too long). Am I bitter? Or have I just been living in a false reality?

Those nostalgic moments would tie me to who I was back then, which would stop me being who I was trying to be in the present. I try to be rather self aware, I like learning from my past fuck ups, but… focusing too much on what WAS, or even what WILL BE, stops me being in control of who I am today. Which is really the only thing I can change.

My nostalgia allowed me to create my own world. But that world doesn’t exist. That world is Narnia and I’m Susan** – too old and no longer welcomed there.

(** if you’ve not read all of The Chronicles of Narnia books, check out how old mate Aslan fucked over Susan in the final book, The Last Battle).

Anyway, till next month, have the day you deserve.