Today is the official last day of my annual leave. By this time tomorrow, I’ll be caffeinated, sarcastic and have finished my first dayback at work. To commemorate my 6 weeks off (6 weeks?! Seriously, what the fuck time?) I thought I would write ablog about my time away.

I’ll be honest, a part of the reason I’m writing this is so that when people at work ask how my holiday was, I can say ‘Good, read all about it on my blog’. I’m sure I’m going to get sick of repeating the same stories. (Well that’s never stopped me before, boom boom)

This trip felt like a long time coming paired with ‘holy shit that’s come up quick’. It was a random Friday in September where I decided I wanted to take a holiday, something I’d been wanting for years, but never really took the step of booking, for, well, reasons. I was at lunch with my team and I told them I wanted a break, one of my team referred me to a travel agent friend of hers, and despite my ‘once bitten, twice shy’ hesitation, I contacted them (Awesome company called Airfare Geeks, who specialise in round the world travel, check them out). I booked the entire holiday on the day. Partly because if I didn’t do it then and there, I’d find reasons not to, and partly because there was a huge sale on and I was saving 2-3 thousand dollars.

Whilst a lot of people were sick of hearing about my upcoming holiday, there were even more who didn’t even know I was going on one. In part because I didn’t wear a “I’m going on holiday, ask me how” T-shirt, and in part because I was 90% convinced that it would never happen.

My life is known to throw the wacky ‘fuck you’ at me, so,the last thing I wanted was to build up another holiday that wouldn’t happen, then have to explain to people why. It was easier not to bother.  Let’s not dwell on that. The trip is in the past and has happened, so let’s chat about that.

Let it be known though, that I thought ‘The curse of Tanya having a holiday’ had struck again, when in the wee hours of the morning prior to my flight out, our smoke detector decided to go off. Nothing was on fire, but holy fuck that was terrifying.

The itinerary

20 March	Los Angeles / Santa Monica
23 March	San Diego
26 March	Las Vegas
30 March	New York City
31 March	Buffalo, NY
1 April	New York City
6 April	Ireland
13 April	Shinjuku, Tokyo
17 April	HOME

LA/Santa Monica

Firstly, I’m a terrible flyer. I get anxiety, I panic, I can’t sleep. I’m sure it’s a control thing, but it’s a thing nonetheless. So, the only way I was catching 10 different planes to places was in business class. Which was super exciting.

You know what’s MORE exciting than Business Class? Being upgraded to First Class. Holy shit was that a ‘Bucket List’ moment. So many things on this trip were, but what a kick off.

Didn’t make me less scared, just made me more comfortable.

I leave Melbourne at 930am Wednesday and land in LA at 6amWednesday. LAX was huge, but not as terrifying as I thought I would be.

After some recommendations from work peeps, I decided to stay in Santa Monica instead of LA, this was a great idea.

Honestly, Santa Monica is beautiful. It was so easy to be there. I instantly felt like I was on holiday (or a Vacation as random americans kept correcting).

When I arrived at my hotel, the concierge advised me that I was the ‘Guest of the day’ and had received a free upgrade from a courtyard facing room, to an ocean view room. The view was fucking unreal.

I can’t possibly list everything I did in my 3 days, but here’s some things:

• Bus tours (seriously, those hop on hop off bus tours are fucking gold). I had a 2 day pass, and on my first day (after no sleep on the plane), I decided to head in to LA and get a lay of the land. My bus driver was a loud & funny black lady named Linelle, who would only refer to me as ‘Australia’ and instantly won me over by stopping and letting me buy a Starbucks coffee on the way.
  The bus tours let me see all the sights at my own pace, over the two days I was able to spend hours roaming the LA city, seeing the walk of fame, learning useless facts. 
• Traveling by myself was kind of scary at first, but I realised very quickly how much I enjoyed doing my own thing. Picking where I’d eat, where I’d go, what I’d do, and not having to compromise was my kind of selfish heaven. 
• If you’re ever in Santa Monica, go to Blue Plate Taco, it was one of the best meals of my entire trip.
• Venice Beach was sketchy and weird, and I did not enjoy it. Happy I went but was happier when I left.
• Toilets… Seriously, sort it out America, WHY do you need that much water in a bowl? I haven’t stopped talking about this. Dunking kids heads in toilets make so much more sense now.

San Diego

I was in quite the pickle, trying to decide whether to go to San Fran or San Diego. I ended up choosing San Diego from a proximity perspective. I had my heart set on driving and San Diego was much closer.

When I picked up my rental car I was shocked to hear that the SUV I’d reserved wasn’t available, so they gave me a mini-van… Me… in a 7 seater mini-van (side note, the car was fucking mint).

Driving was terrifying at first.

The drive to San Diego was pretty AF, which was lucky, considering it took an extra 2 hours due to traffic. LA traffic is balls.

I stayed in the Gaslamp Quarter in San Diego, and it was super pretty, but like all things in America, it was super expensive. Tipping becomes second nature and easy after a while, but fuck me, a meal for myself would be close to $50 USD, so once you convert that to Australian Dollars, it was fucked.

Though my hotel did have free daily cocktails and drinks downstairs, which made up for it.

Other things:

• San Diego Zoo was huge, but kind of ‘meh’. I spent a few hours wandering around then got bored and left. I’ve seen animals before, move it along.
• I did another hop on hop off bus, and got to see some really awesome shit, like the San Diego Convention Centre, which is home to Comic Con. Air Space museum, Coronado and surrounds, San Diego is really stunning.
• The Gaslamp Quarter, whilst beautiful, was adjacent to the ‘bad side of town’, which made it a bit scary to wander around at night
• There was grass on the sidewalk, which I found outrageous, and San Diego has so many puppies, in the hotel and just being walked around.

Las Vegas

The drive to Vegas was amazing and I didn’t expect it to be as pretty as it was. It was a long drive (6 hours I think), but I had my tunes, the open road, and everything was great.

I stopped midway to experience American Maccas, which was pretty much the same as Australian Maccas, except that you get 2 cheeseburgers in a meal, not one. The dude behind the counter enjoyed correcting me when I asked for chips, instead of fries, but whatever.

Pumping petrol was confusing; I stood at the pump for a couple of minutes like a dickhead, before I realised you needed to pre-pay.

I was pretty much drunk for my 3 days in Vegas, because alcohol was readily available and cheap/free.

I stayed at Planet Hollywood, which was epic as it was close to everything. I got a free upgrade to a huge room, because I asked for a wifi upgrade and the guy got confused.

• Another city, another hop on hop off tour, old Vegas was stunning, and I avoided lining up in many lines
• I learned that Vegas isn’t technically in Vegas, it’s in Paradise due to mob bosses dodging taxes
• Walking up and down the strip was so cool. New York New York and the Paris were fun and being across from the Bellagio had its obvious perks.
• Drunk ordering a Chicken Parma and it turns up as pasta has changed my life.
• Getting sick was less cool, but it still happened.
• Drunk people having a 2am fight outside of my room, with the chick scream crying, wearing only lingerie, was an interesting turn of events.
• While it was easy to be by myself in Vegas, I can’t wait to go back with friends

Buffalo

Technically I landed in New York on the Saturday at 1130pm, but my flight to Buffalo was at 7am, so I’m jumping straight to that.

Buffalo was an obvious place for me to go to for one simple reason – Jen.

I’ve known Jen now for 15 years, we met way back online, and she is one of a group of 10 or so online people who became a second family to me. These people are scattered all around the world, and have helped me through so much, so I couldn’t be in the same state as her and not go and visit. People asked me ‘Was it weird or awkward?’ – No, it wasn’t, not for me anyway, so Jen feel free to make a liar out of me!

When I landed in Buffalo, on a tiny, scary ass plane, they opened the doors and SNOW. What the actual fuck did I fly in to? I’m not made for snow.

Whilst it was pretty, it was also highly inconvenient. Jen advised me that it was nothing, and I should see winter. No thank you.

• Seeing the shitty side of Niagra falls was fucking ace. Even though it was 0 degrees and snowing, it was pretty AF and I can’t wait to go back and see the non shitty side.
• Lots of Greek influence in the area, so I sat down for a Greek breakfast, which was basically eggs and lamb. I likey
• Whilst I find that America has a lot of things ass-backwards, they have drive through ATMs, which is my kinda lazy. This threw me for a 6 and stopped me complaining about the snow and toilets for a good 15 minutes.
• The Outback Steakhouse… I was informed of it’s existence by an Uber driver in San Diego, who advised me that he knew all about Australia because of it. He even knew the word bloke…. It was an awesome experience, in part because it was not Australian in the slightest (Alice Springs Quesadilla anyone??) in part because of its décor – photos of the outback and Kangaroos.  (10 out of 10 would recommend the blooming onion)

New York City

Aww man, New York New York, it’s a hell of a town… My auntie told me I’d love it there, and she was completely right.

I was at a loss of where to stay, it seems everyone had an opinion on the BEST area to be. This managed to confuse the fuckery out of me. New York is huge, pretty and expensive. It’s also connected by a huge subway system, which would be really handy to someone who doesn’t suffer from anxiety.

I finally landed on staying in Times Square (Thank you Sarah!), and it was perfect.

Insane and busy, so much to see and do. I loved the fact that I could wander downstairs at 2 in the morning and there would be so much activity. It was so freeing and easy to exist there.

I almost don’t know where to start with NYC. I’m conscious of the fact that I’m already at 2000 words and I’m sure half of you jerks don’t care, but it’s my blog so fuck you.

Each new place I went to, I’d spend the first day just wandering around my local area (great tip Mikey!), so my first day I just walked. And walked. Experiencing buskers and street musicians, insane shops and stores. It was just so brilliant.

OK, let’s bullet point.

• Hop on, hop off, again. I got a great thing called the New York Pass, which cost a couple of hundred dollars, but gave me free access to so many things, including the bus. I spent 2 days going from Central Park down to Wall St. Stopping by the WTC memorial, getting to the top of the empire state building and realising that it was too cold to not have a jacket, then having to buy one. Grand Central Station, libraries, old buildings, things you see on TV and movies. Amazing.
• Another bucket list item, seeing Wicked at the Gershwin Theatre. Holy amazing heck. I couldn’t stop smiling (that may have been the cocktails though).
• Getting a bike tour through central park (someone else was riding, come on now), seeing the Imagine Garden and where John Lennon was killed.
• Going to Top of the Rock. So cool. Getting downstairs and seeing a giant throne (Game of Thrones) was a thing, people started screaming excitedly, so I decided to leave, only to turn around and see the cast of GOT (well, I assume it was all of them, I only saw a couple of them), I left anyway, because too many people and I don’t care enough about GOT.
• Chick-fil-a – you may be a pack of homophobes, but you make a great chicken sandwich (side note, they refer to burgers as sandwiches, which was odd).

Ireland

My flight to Ireland had a stop over in Helsinki, which was OK as far as airports go, I was quite excited to see a smoking room in the middle of the airport, hell yes.

Ireland was probably the main reason for my trip to be honest, a couple of friends (Shayne and Eily), who I also met online years ago, moved from QLD to Ireland a few years back. These people are top cunts and would come down and visit me a couple of times a year when they were in the country, even though I never visited them. I assured them I would though… I didn’t. Then they fucked off to Ireland.

I’m sure they were convinced I’d never make it there, and probably fell off their chairs when I sent them my flight confirmation and told them to get a bed ready.

Ireland was beautiful and amazing, and I loved it. In par tbecause I made a new friend. Tana, Shayne and Eily’s German Shephard. I miss her a lot. I would spend time at their house chilling outside kicking the ball to her, and she knows all her commands by sign language. She’s a good doggo.

• Another bucket list item, as some of you would know, a guy I went to high school with, Eoin, died when he was 20. It was tragic and fucked me up plenty. After Eoin died, his family split his ashes between the family home, Fawkner Cemetery, and a cemetery in Balgriffin, Ireland. I always said I wanted to go and see him there and I’ve now been able to do that. I drank a bourbon and coke (his drink of choice) and stood there awkwardly.
• The Cliffs of Mohor and the Giants Causeway – so stupidly pretty. Honestly, so much history and fun myths in Ireland. Getting to experience it with locals was brilliant.
• It was also in Ireland where someone commented on my ‘Tanya of the past, what a dick’ blog post, reaffirming that I was a dick. This made my day.
• Eating authentic Irish Stew, in Temple Bar – tops.
• Getting confused hearing Eily say ‘Mind yourself’ to someone instead of goodbye. This is apparently a thing, and I’ve advised Eily it sounds like a veiled threat, not a farewell. Ireland disagrees.

Shinjuku, Tokyo

Tokyo was an experience. I was super excited to be reunited with Mikey, Kev and sister. I was less excited that I got my period somewhere between Helsinki (another connecting flight) and Tokyo, so I was a miserable cunt.

I was even less excited when I landed in Tokyo, approached the baggage carousel, only to see my name on a sign and be told my bags were in Helsinki still.

I am grateful that my time in Tokyo was last on the list,because truth be told, if it was first, I’d probably have cried (Strange non-Englishs peaking country, period pain and no bags).

Our hotel room was tiny. Like, think of tiny, then divide it by two. It was neat and functional though and had a bidet (sister has since started researching purchasing one FYI).

• My quest to find tampons in Tokyo was eventful and resulted in 3 different trips.
• Akhibara, Shinjuku and Harajuku were beautifully insane cities. The part that struck me as oddest was how vertical everything was, like, you’d walk in to a tiny shop and be told it goes up 10 levels.
• As geeky as I am, I realised I’m not THAT geeky. But did get distracted looking at every single video game console ever released.
• KARAOKE! My highlight of Tokyo was the hours Karly, Michael and I spent in a Karaoke Room. We sang awfully, drank in abundance and it was the perfect way to spend my last night of my holidays. We topped it off at 3:30am by getting KFC. Tokyo KFC has amazing chips FYI.

I loved my time in Tokyo, but by the time I got there, 3 and a half weeks into my holiday, I was in pain, bleeding and was ready for home.

My flight home was uneventful, but Japan Airlines has top notch business class. I arrived home to an excited Mia, who hitched a ride at 10pm with Coop to pick me up from the airport. Which was cute, except the fact that it meant I couldn’t smoke. Mia also started ‘Dabbing’ while I was gone, and I do not approve.

Everyone has asked me, “But what was your favourite?”

I don’t have a favourite, it would be impossible to pick just one. My entire trip was epic and everything I needed.

My top three are:

Santa Monica – it was stunning and beautiful and made me instantly feel relaxed and on vacation

New York City – If Santa Monica made me feel like I was onvacation, New York made me feel alive and connected. One small piece in a huge city.

Ireland – it was stunning, I felt at home and there was cute dog.

So, if you made it this far, well freaking done! I didn’t think you’d make it.

I really should sleep now. Stay tuned for the video I’m going to make, condensing all of my photos into a 4 minute video.