One year later is the title of a DC Comic book event, that, well, jumped forward 1 year for all of the DC characters (Wonder Woman, Supes, Bats, the works). It was a way for DC to effectively (or ineffectively, but thats not the point) relaunch all of their characters.

So, to someone so immersed in comic book culture, the title felt fitting for this post.

One year ago
I was meant to be in L.A., having a pretty decent holiday. Instead, I was on annual leave, looking after a distraught mother, who was just told her 52 year old, younger brother, was sick, and didn’t look like he’d make it.
That in itself is pretty tragic, it’s sad, my Uncle Murray was probably my closest uncle.

It becomes more tragic though when you factor in Mia.Mia being my uncles 5 year old. Mia’s mother, B, passed away, tragically, when Mia was 2.

Uncle Murray was admitted to hospital after having the flu for over a week, and he just kept getting worse. He was admitted into ICU and at first it just seemed like a matter of time; the drugs would kick in, he’d get some rest, he’d get better.

A couple of days into his hospital stay, the doctors and nurses told my mum that they basically didn’t know what was wrong, and they didn’t know if they could do anything; his lungs were bad, his stomach was bad, his liver was worse. They just didn’t know. One Saturday though, he was up, he was eating a sandwich, he even recorded a message and sent it to me. Things were looking up. So instead of visiting him the next day, inevitably the busiest day of the week, I decided I’d go and see him on Monday, on my lunch break.

That Sunday night, they put my uncle into an induced coma, and he never woke up. I never got to say my goodbyes, or tell him that everything would be OK. He didn’t get to tell me what he wanted us to do, in the event he didn’t make it.

The expectation was swiftly set though – Mia was moving in with mum and I.

It was hard to come to terms with, if I’m being honest. I still lived with my mum because she’s on a disability pension, and I told her I wouldn’t move out till I bought my own house; but moving out was still on the cards. While I could though, I’d stay and help her pay of her mortgage, instead of someone elses.

My sister, who is undoubtedly my best friend, was overseas, on the holiday that I wanted to be on, I was here, trying to be strong for my mum, who spent pretty much every waking hour with her brother in hospital, Mia was with our family, being cared for and being kept happy and safe. I was running between home and hospital, finding wills, and spending most of my alone time crying.

Crying because my uncle was dying.
Crying because my mum was breaking more and more every day.
Crying because Mia would be orphaned and lose her favourite person in the world.
And crying for the life I’d no longer have a choice in leading.

I know that will sound selfish to some of you, but it is what it is. That’s how I felt. I decided many years ago that I didn’t want to have a kid, they frankly seemed like hard work and that’s not where I saw my life ever ending up.

It was decided amongst anyone near to us, that Mia would live here. The last thing I wanted was for her to end up in the system. Mum couldn’t bare the thought of Mia going anywhere but to family and we were the only family that could do it.

Now, this isn’t some tale of ‘woe is me, poor Tanya’.

My uncle died, and it fucking sucked. It was hard, and it’s still hard. The promises of support have slowly faded and life has continued. Life goes on.

Living life with a 5 year old (now 6!) Cousin/Sister/Daughter is weird and wacky and, pretty damn wonderful too.

I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t have 9 months to prepare for this, and I learn more about what to do every day, but I’ll be damned if this kid doesn’t grow up feeling as loved and wanted as I always did growing up.

We’ve had our challenges, and we’ll have plenty more.

The writer in me wanted to share this, I already have so many things to write about, and share, some funny, some heartbreaking, some really weird. Writing helps.

So, does that make me a mummy blogger now? Or a cousin/sister/mummy blogger?

I guess so.

More soon.

Tanya

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