I completely missed posting in the month of October, and I then I got so in my head about stuffing up my “1 post a month” thingo that I just didn’t bother. Then I gave myself a break (progress over perfection). Anyway, no real idea for a post has manifested and a friend suggested I just write regardless, so I’m going to do a list of life lessons / Tanya Truths. Yes I have done something similar to this, but who cares at this point anyway.

On with the show.

1. Being a decent person is free
I’m not saying you have to be everyone’s best friend, I’m just saying don’t be an awful cunt. This isn’t high school and people have enough shit going on, so just be decent. You’re not “cool” if you purposefully cut people down.

2. Progress over perfection
This is a term I came across recently and it really resonated with me. We spend so much time focusing on these lofty goals and then beat ourselves up if we don’t reach them. Instead we should be celebrating the changes we do make – want to lose 10kgs but you’ve only lost 7? That’s still fucking amazing. Focus less on being perfect and more on progressing.

3. Prioritise yourself
It’s ok to be selfish sometimes. Purposefully set aside time for yourself. Even if you spend that time doing nothing – doing nothing is one of my favourite pastimes. If you constantly over-extend yourself, and be everything for everyone, you kind of no longer exist, you become a pawn in everyone else’s game. They expect that your time isn’t important. It is. I’m a better person when I get the opportunity to do things that make me happy. When Mia first came on the scene this was something that challenged me. All my “free time” was suddenly taken and it took its toll. It wasn’t sustainable. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first.

4. Work less
Mate, this is such a basic as bullshit thing to list, but it’s true. Work allows me to live my life, it is not my life. Do you know how much time I spend looking back over the best parts of my life and thinking “man, I wish I worked more”? Zero. The answer is zero. I love work, I have had stupid amounts of fun at work and I’ve made lifelong friends because of work, but I’m no longer that person who thinks it acceptable to work 12 hours a day. You know those people, the ones who do the “well I don’t get a lunch break”, the ones who set the expectation that they’re so super busy and important that they must work 9 hours during the day and another 3 hours later that evening. No, just, no. That’s not impressive, it’s sad. If you can’t get your job done in 8 hours you’re either being over-worked or your trying to win a game that only benefits your company. Don’t get me wrong, I do this, swings and roundabouts though. Never make this the rule. Go for a walk, spend time with your family or friends, sit on the couch and watch tv.

5. There will always be people who don’t like you
Some people like me. Some love me. Some don’t like me. Some hate me. People not liking me used to bother the fuck out of me, I’m a fucking delight, right? It’s exhausting though. Some hate/disdain is warranted, I can be a lot. Some probably isn’t warranted. I can control neither, and I no long care to. My life is not going to be magically better because some random person, who is probably a dickhead anyway, likes me. I barely have enough time for the people I like, and I refuse to waste my mental capacity on people I don’t.

6. You can’t be the best at everything
Growing up Mum would frequently remind Karly and I that there was always going to be someone better. Someone faster, someone smarter, someone who could play netball better. It always felt like such a cunty thing to say to a kid, I never did understand the nuance that being “the best” is subjective, and that chasing perfection generally results in unhappiness. Even now I’m surrounded by a lot of people who should have been told that there will always be someone better. Someone else being better does not make you less.

7. Life is full of people who will try to push you down
This isn’t always a conscious thing (sometimes it is though, people suck), some people don’t like seeing others succeed, almost like your success was meant to be theirs. Natural response to this is for people to pick it apart, pick you apart. It can be hard to block these people out, negativity has its way of multiplying. 1 bit of negative feedback somehow outweighs the 9 positive ones. I’m sure there is some psychological reason for this, for the belief that people will lie about the good, but tell the truth about the bad. That’s bullshit, some people are just miserable cunts. Take it with a pinch of salt (and maybe some lemon and tequila if you’re feeling saucy)

8. Be authentic
I’m weird as fuck and I stopped trying to hide that fact long ago. The world is full of people pretending to be something/someone they’re not. Be you. Especially at work, mate the entire corporate world is built on outdated stereotypes and expectations. Authenticity goes a long way.

9. It’s ok to say no (and no is a complete sentence)
“Hey do you want to go get drinks after work?”
“Oh shit, sorry I have plans” those plans generally involve me going home and hanging out with my dogs. I hate disappointing people, so sometimes it’s easier to either say yes to something I don’t want to do (then canceling) or making something up. Most people, especially friends, understand if you don’t want to do something. You don’t owe anyone more than a no.

I can’t think of a number 10. That’s ok though. Ooh hang on, yes I can, buy Splatoon 3 and play with me.

Anyway, make good choices.

Tanya