My life changed 3 years ago. Like, one of those big, life-altering moments that you hear about or see in movies.

3 years ago, my uncle died, and I inherited a small child. I’ve written about that before, that shouldn’t be a surprise to you (well, maybe).

My uncle Murray died suddenly and BAM, overnight I was expected to be a parental type figure to a 5-year-old… ME… TANYA…

It all didn’t make sense, it still doesn’t I guess.

The story is second nature though now, it rolls off the tongue, it’s an inbuilt story. Same as when someone asks how I am – instant response is “Living the dream, lighting the way”.

“Oh, I didn’t know you had a kid, Tanya?”

“Well, funny story, I inherited her. My uncle died and now I’m her sister, cousin, mother.” Life’s funny that way.

In reality though, it took me a long time to deal with my sudden sibling/daughter hybrid. Not because I didn’t want or love her, but because fuck, I didn’t have 9 months to come to terms with this.

All I knew was that in a span of a fortnight I lost my $8k trip overseas and I was expected to be a parent.

I pivoted though. We adapt, we learn. Mia deserved more than my self-pity.

Even when I thought I’d dealt with it though, I hadn’t. Heck, I probably still haven’t.

The 12 months that followed that pivotal moment were some of the hardest of my life.

New kid – Check

Lost $8k – Check

House caught fire – Check

Sliced off part of my finger – Check

New Boss – Check

Miserable at work – Check

Gallstones – Check

Self-pity – CHECK

I played the victim and the blame game a lot during that period. To be fair though, life had picked up my life, shaken it and put it back down, saying – sort it out, Choo.

I’m not that person though, ya know? There is no fun being a miserable cunt all the time. I could see it in myself, I could see how my own victim mentality was making not only me but everyone around me miserable.

I’m changing though, it’s not an instant thing though. I am still plenty fucked up. I was fucked up before this though, it’s a fun Tanya quirk.

Mia is a part of my every day now. Hanging out, reading, playing dumb games, making sure she bathes, eats, goes to sleep at a decent time. It’s the new normal

That doesn’t mean my life stops. If anything, I owe it to Mia to live my best life. I don’t want her to think that it is normal being miserable. I don’t want her life to be defined by the shitty things that have happened to her.

I mean, I owe it to myself too. Being a miserable cunt is tiring.

So, what have I learned?

I’m never going to be the perfect parent, but I love that stinkin kid more than pretty much anyone, and that’s important.

I’ve learned that even when she is being a little shit, she’s still a little human, with little human emotions and feelings, and they’re valid (even when they’re not).

I’ve learned the importance of telling her that I love her every day. Because life is a fucking jerk and you never know what can happen.

I’ve learned that self-care is just as important as Mia-Care. That sometimes putting myself first is important because if I’m happier, I’m a better sister/mother. That means writing more (yikes), having Tanya time, catching up with friends, going out. I don’t resent Mia for any of this, and I never want to. So, all that stuff is important.

Mia is 8. 8! She’s forming this little personality, and she can even be kinda funny; like when she told Mum that for her 70th birthday she was buying her a room in a retirement home (and I’m not visiting lady!), or when she was begging Karly for a little brother or sister, Karly suggested “well, what if I meet someone with kids already?”

“And steal his kids? OK”

I’ve learned that this entire situation, while sudden, shitty and seemingly unfair, hasn’t been all that bad.

I’ve also learned to be grateful that Mia’s school only does concerts every 3 years (Suck it, other parents).

Anyway. 3 years ago my life fundamentally changed, and I changed with it.

Peace out.

Tan